A new marriage is a huge milestone full of celebration and hope for the future. But, at the same time, it’s a long-term commitment that comes with many challenges. Being in love with your partner isn’t the only thing that will hold your marriage together in the long run. What’s also needed is clear communication and patience.

With divorce rates nearing 50% in the U.S., it’s easy to see that there is hard work involved that many people aren’t up for. What’s more, subsequent marriages often have even higher divorce rates. At the core of this struggle is an unwillingness to compromise paired with the ever-changing nature of human personality.

On the other hand, half of all marriages end up being quite successful, so it’s worth looking into the habits of these couples. 

Everything that can go wrong

Most people don’t like to think about what could go wrong in a marriage. Some people even rush into it without really asking themselves if they’re prepared for what’s to come. Blinded by love for your partner, you may not be thinking about things realistically. Still, no one should stop you from doing what your heart desires. 

Like most relationships, marriages require constant communication and self-awareness, except there’s much more at stake with a marriage. Communication breakdowns are the first sign of a rocky relationship, so know the signs when you see them.

You’ll know when communication has broken down when you stop feeling understood. Not feeling understood either means you are not speaking your mind, or your partner is not listening. Another tell-tale sign of poor communication is feelings of resentment toward your partner. From there, you may begin to notice other frustrations in the relationship, such as snappy behavior or increased arguments.

Other marriage stressors include finances, children, and substance abuse. It’s hard to predict how these things will affect a relationship, and there’s always the possibility that you don’t know your partner as much as you thought you did. There are also factors external to your marriage that can cause turmoil, such as grief and depression, cultural changes, and political climate. Fortunately, each of these points can be addressed through solid communication, which will be explained further below. 

However, it’s also okay to know when to call it quits. Sometimes this is the healthier move and a way to prevent further emotional or financial hardship. If you have second thoughts about your marriage, keep reading to learn ways to prevent disaster.

Communication is key

The cornerstone of any good relationship is communication, and marriages are no exception. Unfortunately, as you get comfortable with your partner, it’s easy to forget the extra effort needed to discuss challenging topics. Difficult topics that people tend to avoid are things like finance, how to raise children, and just day-to-day feelings in general.

Good communication involves a healthy balance between listening and voicing your feelings. Difficult conversations need to be had and cannot be avoided. There’s a handful of books out there for learning how to have challenging conversations.  

Since finances are one of the leading causes of divorce, this is low-hanging fruit that isn’t actually as difficult to talk about as one might suspect. Come up with a plan to split costs and budget. If either of you has debt, discuss ways in which both of you can help bring it down to manageable levels. If your partner has terrible spending habits, kindly bring up how that affects you. 

Understand ahead of time that once children are thrown into the mix, things become substantially more challenging. Caring for children can significantly strain you and your partner, creating a wedge between moments when you could have important conversations. So don’t forget to carve out time for you and your partner to spend time together, even if that means hiring a babysitter or handing the kids off to family for a bit.

While constant communication is vital, it needs to be hedged with proper space and alone time. When you’re married, you’re likely to spend most of the day with each other, especially in post-pandemic times where many work from home. Develop your own hobbies and interests and do them alone or with a different group of friends so that you can retain your independence. Also, conversations that become too heated or inconclusive can sometimes be put off for later. Not every argument needs to be solved in a single session.

Finally, arguably the best way to establish a long, healthy relationship is to seek counseling whenever possible. Even if you and your partner aren’t having turmoil, seeing a couple’s therapist or a personal therapist is effective at staying self-aware and fostering good communication.

The possibility of divorce is all too common, but it’s not impossible to have a happy, long-lasting marriage. As more people realize the benefits of communication and self-awareness, divorce rates may decline. There is ample information out there these days on fostering a healthy relationship. So, supplement the good in your own relationship with continued education, therapy, and tons of practice.