A relationship breakdown is one of the most stressful things many adults will face in their lives. Unfortunately, relationships come to an end all of the time for a variety of reasons. Sometimes, you are the one to end it for the greater good. Other times, you are caught off guard by your partner’s decision to leave. Either way, it may upset your life in more ways than you imagine.
Why Breakups are so Painful
Your partner was likely involved in almost all of the aspects of your life. When a relationship ends, so do the goals and dreams that were tied into it. At one point, you had high hopes for what the two of you could be. Now, you have to deal with rebuilding your life without that person. It is very common to feel disappointment and even grief in this situation. Many people also feel lost because the life path that they saw for themselves for so long is no longer an option.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
Pretending that you are not affected by a relationship breakdown will only delay the healing process. The emotions you will feel may vary greatly, from anger to resentment, to fear, to sadness. Let yourself feel all of them and realize that they will not last forever. Talking to someone, whether it be a mental health professional or just a trusted friend, can help you work through your feelings and start to gain closure. According to The Cleveland Clinic, leaving your ex alone during this time period is one of the most important things you can do.
Look Toward the Future
It can be helpful to focus on what the future has in store for you. Think about any hopes or dreams that you may have given up on while in your relationship. You can now dedicate your energy to those, or to brand new aspirations that you may come up with. Remember, however, that you need to close the door to your previous relationship completely. Protect yourself and your future by speaking with a divorce lawyer, if applicable. If you were married for a long time, NPR recommends having a detailed plan for the separation process that includes dividing assets and even talking about who gets the family pets.
Watch Out for Signs of Depression
You are expected to feel sad after a breakup, especially if it was a long-term relationship. Over time, however, that feeling should lessen. If you find yourself feeling stuck in your negative feelings, you may be suffering from depression. In that case, it is important to seek help from a mental health professional. Along that same line, be sure to not turn to drugs or alcohol to make yourself feel better. While these things may temporarily help, they can cause more problems down the road. The same can be said of turning to eating too much to help numb the pain.
Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of every aspect of yourself in the time following a breakup is key. That means getting a full night of sleep, eating nutritious food, and exercising if you are up to it. Make sure you have time every day to engage in hobbies that bring you joy. Ideas include reading a good book, having coffee with a friend, going for a walk, or taking a class to learn a new skill. If you can afford it, consider doing some traveling with a friend or family member. Developing a routine can also be beneficial when trying to establish a new normal after your breakup.
Take Time for Yourself
Many people rush into a new relationship because they feel lonely. This is almost always a mistake. Take the opportunity to get to know yourself and what you want from life and your future partner before you dive back into the dating pool. If you find yourself on a date talking about your ex, you have likely tried to move on too soon. Give yourself more time to heal.
Reflect on What You Have Learned
It is normal to blame the other person when a breakup happens. In reality, it is very rare that one person should shoulder all of the responsibility. If you look at your own behavior as well as that of your ex, you can gain valuable insight about yourself. Your ex did not end up being your partner for life, but your relationship with them can give you an opportunity to achieve personal growth.
Focus on Gratitude
One of the best things you can do to get over any rough patch in life is to turn your attention to the things you have to be grateful for. Make a list of the things in your life you are thankful to have and read it whenever things seem hopeless. It can help you develop a more positive mindset. While it was important to sit with your grief initially, wallowing in it for too long is not healthy. Trying to have a positive outlook will help you with gaining closure and moving on to bigger and better things in your life.