Focusing on conversation and praising good behavior, rather than having strict rules and punishments, positive parenting is an increasingly popular way of raising children. So how do you integrate positive parenting into family life?
Although we associate stricter child rearing approaches with previous generations, the positive parenting philosophy was first created in the 1920s by the Austrian psychiatrists Alfred Adler and Rudolph Dreikurs. However, it only became more popular in the 1990s, when the wider field of positive psychology became more mainstream. When looking at child-rearing from this perspective, the idea is to praise children for good behavior, instead of telling them off when they make bad choices. The idea is that focusing on the good doesn’t reward bad behavior with too much attention, in turn making good behavior a self-reinforcing cycle.
Positive parenting strikes a balance somewhere in the middle of being too strict and too lenient. It is parenting that makes the relationship between parents and their children more connected. Research shows there are many benefits to the positive parenting approach. Overall, children tend to have fewer behavioral problems with this method, and are more emotionally resilient too. Children are also better able to self-regulate their behavior due to the fact day-to-day life is approached as more of a two-way conversation. This produces children with better self-esteem, improved mental wellbeing and more social abilities. Kids who come from positive parenting households tend to do better at school, and have closer relationships with their parents too.
With all things considered, positive parenting sounds like an attractive approach for many families. But how do you actually create an environment of positive parenting?
1. Create Learning Opportunities
Ultimately, the idea of positive parenting is to nurture children in the right direction, so they become well-functioning adults. Instead of creating a list of rules of how to behave, this information is usually much better imparted if you create learning opportunities. Reading books to your child from a young age is great for many reasons, one of which is discussing appropriate behaviors. Take the opportunity to discuss certain storylines from the books your child enjoys to help them grasp why certain behaviors have positive or negative consequences. Getting some great toys for your kids from a high-quality store as suggested by Kidsgearguide.com for example, is another fun way to create learning opportunities in a non-pressurized way.
2. Focus On Reasons For Behavior
Instead of simply stating that behavior is either good or bad, think about the reasons why a child behaved the way they did. This can be done from both your own observations, and from a conversation with the child. Analyzing why they behaved a certain way, and what the consequences were, help to give children the tools to understand more about the choices they make. Taking the time to listen to your child is also really important for the parent-child relationship, as children always get a lot out of parents who take time to listen to their point of view.
3. Be A Role Model
Children model their behavior on their parents and other close caregivers, so think about how you handle situations in your life, and what message this is sending to your kids. Children soak everything up and then replicate behaviors, so it’s important to behave as you want your children to. After all, if you shout as a form of communication, your child doesn’t understand that this is not acceptable behavior. Most adults want their children to be kind, respectful and assertive when necessary, so demonstrate all these behaviors through your own actions. Equally when you are dealing with difficult behavior your child has displayed, avoid shouting and name-calling. Show composure and restraint even if you are upset, and try to get to the root of the problem through listening and constructive reasoning.
4. Be Consistent
Being kind to your children, avoiding shouting and strict punishment does not mean that you shouldn’t have rules and boundaries. When your child wants their own way in a particular situation, such as being allowed a candy treat, it is important not to give in. Having rules that your children understand and applying them consistently is important for nurturing positive behavior. If the child knows they are only allowed one special treat a day, stick to this rule in a firm but kind way. Even if it makes the child upset because they didn’t get their own way, it is more important that they see consistency in how things around them are handled.
5. Breathe And Be Patient
Sometimes positive parenting is a long game. You won’t necessarily get instant results with some of the approaches, and this can make parents feel there is no other option but to take a harder line on certain behaviors. However, continuing to teach children how to behave and self-regulate through positive parenting does eventually work. Even if you feel like you’re having the same conversations with your child every day, this consistent approach is what children need to become the human beings you want them to be.