You know, last year was the first time I celebrated my birthday while observing the Ramadan fast. Last year also happened to be the first time I celebrated my birthday away from home at Yale. New Haven summers can be glorious or a bore. It really is dependent on what you make of it. I truly ended up loving the beauty of New Haven in its little corners and natural beauty that breathes New England charm. Although, I wasn’t too far from home that time, I managed to celebrate the day with my friends. Keeping up with tradition of feeding everyone else my cake.

This time around was a bit different. A little under 7000 miles different. A little bit more cake-less. A little less family. But I got to chow down on some barbecue with three other 교포 (foreign Korean) amigos taking Korean in Seoul.

Quickly following, we grabbed some bubble tea and paraded a bit around Yonsei’s campus and goofed off in their amphitheater (something I still hope is a possibility for Yale during my lifetime). Yeah, child-like ways to pass the time but it was fun.

Two decades in, and all I could think about was how I don’t want to grow up. I know it’s naive to think you can act like a child forever and know it’s clichéd to never let go of your inner child but damn, I don’t want to be an adult yet. Being young has so much beauty in its vulnerability and malleability following mistakes. I know two decades in doesn’t mean I lose it all but not being in America for the first time for a birthday was the first time I didn’t feel that anxiety hit. Life hasn’t taken a pause, per se, but it really has slowed down with this gap year transition. Sleep has become relatively irregular because of the Ramadan fast but I know I’m getting more of it. I’m also starting to realize more and more as my youth seems to be slipping, I want to continue on these journeys. I don’t want to take on all the responsibilities of being someone who contributes to society yet. Yeah, it sounds terribly selfish, but I don’t feel that I have gotten my satisfaction out of building a broader mentality yet, either. It may now seem like proper justification for my thought process but I cannot let go of these urges to constantly explore. Maybe it comes from a fear of not being to see where these urges fit in. Maybe it replaces the unknown of where I’ll be in the next ten years. Maybe it makes up for all the times I felt incapable of doing anything as a child. Be it stemming from jealously, anger, or fear, I don’t care. I want to be a child for the mean time and just play around the world. Postpone the damn curfew of adulthood, I don’t want to trapped in a house of duty. I promise to grow into that responsibility so long as I can get my goofiness out of the way first.

Well, that was a lot… back to activities.

The week was pretty standard excluding the two days of classes I skipped because of pounding headache (sleep irregularity can really mess you up). Luckily, it eased up and I got to spend another night out for my nameday. My tutor took me and a few friends out to sushi near Hongdae. Complete with 사케 (sake), the sushi dinner seemed divine.

The owner of the place was actually a good friend of my tutor so we were treated with quite a bit of extra service (service in Korea are free things different establishments choose to provide you). The extra service he included also came with a bit of Japanese beef (oh damn). After getting to know a bit of each other, we tried to make some Korean names for ourselves. I didn’t want a common 성 (family name) to get confused with millions of other Koreans so I chose to go with 차 (literally, “tea”). In Korean, instead using blah-blah or yada-yada as a filler in sentences, people use 모모 (mo-mo). As such and having had Mo as a nickname already, I thought 차모모 (pronounced Cha MoMo) would be a fantastic name. My then present company shut me down. In turn, I had to come up with something else that would work well in both Korean and Japanese, especially since Momo (桃) is a girl’s name in Japanese for “peach”. Eventually, they agreed that 차민호 (pronounced Cha Minho, 茶珉乎) was a pretty nice name, and relatively usable in Japanese.

It was a pleasant end to a week and it couldn’t have been complete without getting some ice cream right after.