Traditional notions of masculinity are deeply rooted in Indian society. These notions promote rigid gender roles for men and boys. However, these roles are increasingly being challenged and re-examined.

One of the prevailing masculine ideals in India has been that of the dominant, stoic “patriarch”: the authoritarian head of the household who provides for the family financially while remaining emotionally reserved. Qualities like physical strength, aggression, heterosexuality, and the ability to suppress vulnerable emotions have been valorized as markers of manhood. Phrases like “mard ko dard nahi hota” (men don’t feel pain) exemplify this masculine ideal.

Indian masculinity has also been bound up in patriarchal ideas—the notion that men must safeguard the women in their lives. This can breed unhealthy attitudes of possessiveness and the policing of women’s behavior in the name of “honor.”

These ingrained masculinities are being increasingly critiqued, particularly by feminist thinkers who have highlighted their devastating effects on women’s health, socio-economic status, and freedom. The pressure to embody an ultra-masculine ideal is also thought to contribute to higher rates of suicide, substance abuse, and other mental health issues among Indian men.

There have been efforts to redefine masculinity in more positive terms that move away from sexism and violence. For instance, many advocate for men to be more involved in domestic labor and childcare, roles traditionally limited to women in Indian households. Others are exploring the notion of the “gentleman”: an ideal rooted in values like respect, compassion, and emotional intelligence rather than physical dominance.

Through mediums like television, film, social media, and poetry, Indian artists are sparking important conversations around reforming restrictive masculine norms. As Indian society continues evolving, examining masculinity will remain a crucial part of advancing gender and LGBTQI+ equality and promoting healthier attitudes for all.

Activities

Task 1.1

Watch a portion of Satyamev Jayate Season 3, Episode 6, “When Masculinity Harms Men,” in which a roundtable of ordinary men from India discuss how their deeply-entrenched notions about masculinity have affected their attitudes towards women, and read the transcript of selected clippings here.

What are some of the childhood experiences these men discuss? How do these impact the way they behave toward their wives, their children, and others?

Task 1.2

Watch the Bollywood film Rocky Aur Rani Kii Prem Kahaani (2023), in which a couple with contrasting personalities and social backgrounds decide to live with each other’s families for three months before getting married. Pay attention to the character of Rocky and his evolution over the course of the film. After watching the film, discuss the following questions:

• Would you consider Rocky’s actions a red flag or a green flag?
• How does Rocky change over time and how is this reflected in his choices?
• How do you think Rani and her family inspire Rocky to change?
• Do you agree with Rani when she pushes Rocky’s father out of anger? Why do you think Rocky stands up for his father, even though he stands up against him shortly after? 
• What are some ways in which Rocky expresses vulnerability in this film? Were there any moments that moved you or gave you pause?

If you’re looking for a way to get your conversation started, take a look at this short clip of a scene from the film.

Task 1.3

Choose one of the four prompts below. Using the links that come with them, and any other resources you find, come to class prepared to speak for 4–5 minutes about the prompt.

1. “Boys don’t cry!” is a song, a movie, and an idiom. Let’s interrogate it: why are boys told not to cry? How does being told not to cry affect them? What ways do they have for expressing emotions, pain, anxiety, and fear? And if you think it is true that men are told not to show emotion, do you think this happens only in India, or in the United States as well?
   • “Men Do Cry, Too!”
   • Start With the Boys (0:00:00–0:00:50)
   • “Main, ek ladka hoon”
   • “Dear society, men feel too.”
   • “Mahila aur Purush”
   • “Rona kyon zaroor hai”
   • “Dear men, it’s okay to cry…”
2. Indian men are often scared to put their children in their laps, and they may be reluctant to spend time with their children or taking care of them. Why is this such an issue? If men are concerned about losing respect by spending more time with their children, how should they respond to the example of Aamir Khan, who spends time taking care of his children? Should men be encouraged to take paternity leave?Thinking more broadly, why do men hide their emotions and avoid going to therapy? Do you feel that this is connected to higher recorded suicide rates among men?
   • “Did someone say ‘toxic masculinity’?”
   • That Desi Feminist
   • “Indian Boys Talk About Being Stereotyped”
   • “International Men’s Day 2019”
   • “Patriarchy”
   • “It’s an acquired taste you wouldn’t get it”
   • “Men Deserve Flowers Too”
   • “Love”
3. Men and women should be treated equally. So why are they treated differently, including by parents who may love their children equally but raise them in very different ways? If parents claim not to love their children equally, what societal factors might lead them to take this approach? What makes equal treatment hard?For part two of this question, think about male characters written by female writers in Bollywood. How are they different from male characters written by male writers? Why do you think this is?
   • “Men written by women”(Link is external)
4. How would you describe or define a gentleman? What should one do to act like a gentleman?Consider the following qualities and behaviors: machismo, protecting women, acting as patriarchy, not crying, not being weak, being unemotional, not getting scared, being a good driver, not cooking, shouting, hiding one’s pain. Are these necessary qualities for a gentleman? If not, what qualities would you say are essential instead?
   • “Gentleman kise kehte hai?”
     • Transcript available here
   • “How to be a Man?”

Task 1.4

Romil and Jugal is a 2017 adaptation of Romeo and Juliet in which Jugal, a shy Tamil-Brahman boy, falls in love with Romil, a Punjabi playboy. Watch this clip (00:06:13–00:09:07) from Episode 5, right after Romil and Jugal share their first kiss, and Romil wakes up again in a household where he is the only male child and not out of the closet to his parents. 

• How does Romil use his physical (e.g. room decor) and emotional environment (relationship with parents) to play a heterosexual and masculine version of himself?
• How does this affect how he values his mother and sister? What about his father?
• How does the mango function as a metaphor in this scene? What role does seeking parental approval play in furthering a certain idea of masculinity?

Task 1.5

Watch this clip (00:21:06-00:23:54) from Season 1, Episode 9 of Satyamev Jayate, an episode about alcoholism.

• Some feminists have proposed that only women should be allowed to legislate on alcohol production and consumption. Do you agree with them? What kind of policies would you pass to reduce domestic violence?
• What are ways in which alcohol consumption is part of male socialization?
• How do you think the pressures of performing masculinity and alcohol consumption may be linked? If you are willing to share with the class, have you seen this play out in your family or your friends’ families?
• What are some cultural (e.g. “what happens at home is private”) and legal norms (e.g. police procedures; bank account ownership) that support alcoholism and domestic violence?

Further Reading

The articles below discuss toxic masculinity and its consequences for Indian society.

• कैसे हमारे घर और परिवार हिंसक मर्दानगी को बढ़ावा देते हैं
• मर्दों के ‘विशेषाधिकार’ कितने है लाभदायक और हानिकारक?
• एक केस में फांसी देने से नहीं, लड़कों को संवेदनशील इंसान बनाने से आएगा बदलाव!

Image Source: India Development Review